Richard sat down for his coaching session with a heavy heart.
He had been avoiding a conversation he knew he could no longer put off. One of his right-hand men – someone who had walked with him for years and was foundational to the success of the company – was slipping.
The signs were there for everyone to see. Complaints from the team. A steady reduction in output. A noticeable decline in the quality of work. And yet, in executive meetings, his colleague would deflect responsibility – blaming circumstances, systems, and even other team members for what was going wrong.
Richard’s frustration was building. The cost was becoming too high – lost time, damaged reputation, financial strain. And still, he hesitated. This wasn’t just an employee; this was a friend. How do you hold both relationship and responsibility in a single conversation?
That’s what Richard brought to coaching.
A Matter of the Heart Is the Heart of the Matter
As Richard began to process the situation, his coach gently surfaced something Richard hadn’t considered. He wasn’t just carrying the facts of the issue into the conversation – he was carrying his own assumptions, prejudices, and judgments about his colleague.
“He’s lazy.”
“He’s disengaged.”
“He’s blaming everyone else.”
Richard realised that if he walked into the meeting carrying those assumptions, his words would land like stones. Correction would become condemnation.
Connection Before Correction
Coaching shifted the frame. What if, before correction, Richard sought connection? What if he laid down his assumptions long enough to truly see the man in front of him – not just the problems he was causing?
This wasn’t about avoiding accountability. It was about making sure accountability was grounded in empathy, not frustration.
That shift opened space for a deeper conversation – one that reached the real root of the problem.
People Before Performance
What unfolded in that conversation was surprising. Richard’s colleague wasn’t simply underperforming; he was carrying personal challenges that were silently eroding his ability to lead. By entering the conversation with curiosity instead of judgement, Richard created the space for his colleague to face the real issues.
It was the process – grounded in empathy, honesty, and accountability – that led to the breakthrough. His colleague owned what needed to change, and in doing so found a path that was life-giving both for him and for his team.
Performance improved, yes – but more importantly, trust was restored.
Leadership at the Heart
When leaders come to moments like these, the temptation is to go straight to performance. But leadership at its best remembers this:
A matter of the heart is the heart of the matter.
Assumptions can cloud our view of others.
Connection comes before correction.
People always come before performance.
For Richard, this wasn’t just a coaching exercise. It was a reminder that leadership is, at its core, relational. And when relationships are restored, performance often follows.
If you find yourself carrying the weight of a hard conversation you’ve been putting off, perhaps the question isn’t just what do I say? but how do I see?
When you see the person before the problem, you may just open the door to transformation – for them, for you, and for your team.
📩 If this resonates, I’d love to hear your story. And if you’d like support in navigating your own hard conversations, let’s talk.
📰 This article is also available on our Aruka Solutions website